It’s that time of the year again: let’s make some Rosh Hashanah resolutions! We get a clean slate, so why not promise ourselves the world for this New Year. This is a time to ask for forgiveness from others and yourself. Forgive yourself for not fulfilling all of last year’s Rosh Hashanah resolutions. You have another chance to get it right!
For the most part, people usually make pretty superficial resolutions on January 1st: Lose 10 pounds, quit smoking, make more money. For Jews, Rosh Hashanah is a time for reflection, a time when our resolutions can be more spiritual and less material.
This year I am resolving to better myself spiritually by going to Israel. I don’t know how I will pay for it, what I’ll do there, or the exact date of when I’ll be going. However, I know I’m going to do it. For many singles, their spiritual resolution this Rosh Hashanah will be to find love.
If you’re single, you are most likely going to be making resolutions like “I will work out more so I can attract the opposite sex”, “I will get a promotion so I seem more appealing”, or “I will learn how to cook so a date will think I’m special”.
My greatest piece of advice for you: stop focusing on other people. Resolve to do something awesome for YOU to make yourself happy. Why? Because happy and confident people are more likely to attract attention from the opposite sex. You could be a very attractive person, but your lack of confidence could end up turning the opposite sex off. You don’t want to end up alone just because you didn’t work on yourself for your own sake before trying to be the best for someone else.
It is my strong belief that you cannot be the best possible match for someone unless you are the best possible YOU. So change the tone of your resolutions: “I will work out more so I can be healthier”, “ I will get a promotion so I can use the extra money to give to charity”, or “I will learn how to cook so I can welcome guests into my home for holidays”.
Honesty is something that is always lacking in relationships. Why start with a lie?
Relationships usually fall apart on account of one thing: lack of honesty. It is at the base of any conflict. Cheating? Lack of honesty. Lying about small things like where you got that new bracelet? Lack of honesty (obviously). Not communicating your feelings to your significant other? Lack of honesty.
I think it’s pretty clear that at the heart of every great relationship there is a healthy amount of honesty. I say “healthy amount” because we all know how great a few white lies are, for example “you look great!’ or “this dinner is so delicious” can seriously help the strength of a relationship. There is definitely a line between white lies and down-right lies, and this line is where trust can be broken.
Trust is a solid foundation for any relationship, and it is most often established by honesty. This seems like a pretty obvious assumption. So if this is so obvious, why do so many people start off a new relationship with a lie? This lie could be anything from where you went to college, to how much money you make, to the most common lie: your age.
In the world of online dating, it is easier than ever to lie about your age without feeling guilty. However, there are now Jewish dating sites that call you out on this infraction. SawYouAtSinai and its partner, JRetromatch, have now implemented an amazing new initiative for their sites. SawYouAtSinai was the first to launch and now members’ profiles can be seen sporting a pretty green check mark beside their age if it’s been verified as accurate through public records searches or receipt of proof of I.D. According to the websites’ founder, Marc Goldmann, “Many JRetroMatch members have already been verified and they will soon be able to see a green check mark of their own”.
I can’t stress enough how incredible it is that a Jewish dating site has finally realized what is fundamental to any relationship: honesty. Finally, people do not have to assume that the age they are seeing may not be correct. Members are no longer penalized for telling the truth because of the few who lie. What you see is what you get. Isn’t that how it should be in dating?
So as I sit here watching a sleeping 5-month old baby boy, I secretly change the channel from Nick Jr.’s awful television show, Yo Gabba Gabba, and turn on reruns of my guilty pleasure, Grey’s Anatomy. And as I am watching, I realize all the false hope this show gives us.
A group of 20-somthing to 30-something year old doctors work in a hospital where every man they meet is a beautiful doctor. During their breaks they go and have sex with these beautiful doctors in the on-call room. Then they form a relationship and either go on to be married, whether it is a beautiful wedding or just a simple “I do” on a post-it note, and have children, or they have a horrible break-up and just find a new beautiful doctor the next week. And not to mention, they still get along with their exes.
Now, I understand that many Jews do become doctors, however I don’t think this really goes on in the hospitals…at least I hope it doesn’t. And either way, I am not a doctor and will never be one (an ER kind of doctor that is). But lets be honest, not every man or woman we meet is a beautiful successful doctor, or just even beautiful and successful. Unfortunately love doesn’t begin or end as easily as it does on Grey’s Anatomy, or any other show for that matter.
Us “real life” people have to go through what seems like an endless number of first dates, first kisses, and sometimes even first marriages to find the right man or woman. Sometimes we find this person when we are young and sometimes not until we are much older. It takes time and effort to find true love, not just a one night stand in the on-call room.
The moral of the story: Don’t expect Prince/ss Charming to just bump into you in the elevator one day and confess their undying love to you. Go out and go have fun, join a dating website, tell that special someone how you feel; whatever it is that you do just be pro-active in finding love-don’t wait for love to find you.
I’m very afraid of getting older.
I have no home. I’m at that age where I’m just starting to realize, I have no home. College is my home I suppose, for the next year or so anyway, and then I’m off in the real world and I’ll have a house. But not a home.
Until I get married and settle down and become a real person. I have to make my own home. But that’s sooooo much responsibility. And this time I would be the head of the household, you lose out on all the great benefits. No rent, free food, whatever you want prepared for you! I like being the child, I like being cared for.
Some people say men aren’t looking for wives, they’re just looking for someone to replace their mothers. That’s probably true to an extent for some men. Mothers are great. I’ve said before, I think in general relationships serve an important purpose, and to a degree, that purpose is to replace their families. Not replace, per say, but to regrow a family, and recreate that loving environment, or for those with more unfortunate childhoods, create for the first time.
But at this very young age I think I shall try to create a home with just myself. I think I can feel at home by myself. It’s quite a feat, but if I stay social enough I think it’s possible. Someday home will be where I keep my kids and husband, but for today, home is where the food is.
Time has a funny influence over us. It matters so much without saying or doing or being anything but this abstract concept.
Like marriage. Marriage isn’t scary because it’s a commitment. A relationship alone is a commitment. Marriage can be scary because it’s a time commitment. It’s promising not just today and tomorrow, but every tomorrow for the rest of your life. The concept of so much time can be terrifying. You worry it will drag on forever and become monotonous and boring.
Another terifying concept is the thought of too little time. Then everything seems a whole lot better. Suddenly you appreciate things more, see them in a better light because you realize you may never experience these things again.
Maybe it’s not about time at all. Maybe it’s just about beginnings and ends.
I’m sorry. I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting my dating advice. You’ve probably broken up by now due to my lack of attention and for that I apologize. But I have returned.
I’ve been having some internet technical difficulties lately, explaining the lack of posts for the past couple days. I suspect Josh311 (the name of the wireless internet I’ve been stealing for the last few days) is on to me and has broken up with me. He has unfortunately severed all connections. My heart mourns. But I will go on.
And today is a brand new day and I have found a new guy to hook up with. NETGEAR572. And he’s twice the man you’ll ever be, Josh. Three times the man when streaming video.
A woman on the bus was very mean to me today. She had her stuff on the seat next to her and all the other seats were taken except for the ones reserved for the elderly and disabled. I don’t like sitting in those seats because invariably, the moment I do, an elderly or disabled person comes on the bus, and of all the perfectly functioning 20-somethings on the bus sitting in those seats, I’m the only one to move.
So I ask her politely to move her things and she says “Well I really don’t want to, especially when there are other seats available…” (referring to the ones for the handicapped).
It took everything I had to hold back from saying, “I know but you just seemed like such a lovely person that I wanted to sit next to you.”
But I didn’t say that. And she did move her stuff. So I guess everything worked out. But still, she didn’t have to be rude just cause she wanted her umbrella to have its own seat on the bus. Fifty years ago African American people couldn’t even sit on the bus. Rosa Parks had to represent. Bus seats are a hot commodity. I think that people from every color race and creed should have a seat on the bus. But when it comes to umbrellas, I make no allowances.
So, what does this have to do with relationships?
Well I’ll tell you.
People are mean and cranky.