Day 2. We hung out. It was incredible. It was clear both of us were interested.
Day 3. He asked me to hang out again and I was busy.
Day 4. He asked me to hang out again and I was busy.
Day 5. We hung out in a group. It was awkward.
Day 6. We hung out in a group. It was awkward.
Day 7. He was busy.
Day 8. The time apart made us unsure of the others feelings. We had really only hung out once because we kept missing each other. By the time he walked me home that night, the build up and expectation to kiss was so high that neither of knew what to do. The night ended with a kiss on the cheek, an awkward shuffle, a prolonged hug, an awkward shuffle, another kiss on the cheek, and then a one-sided prolonged hug where he let go and I was still holding on. I blushed, apologized and promptly said goodnight.
Day 9. He called by mistake.
-I called him back.
-He called me back.
-His work was cancelled because of the weather and I asked him to hang out.
-He said he could hang out later that night.
-Later that night he called.
-He didn’t have work the next day but could only hang out for a bit because he was tired.
-I said we didn’t need to hang out and he said okay.
-He said he was making pancakes the next day.
-I didn’t care because I was discouraged.
Day 10. I texted him to ask how the pancakes tasted. He did not respond.
Do relationships before marriage yield meaningful insight into our true needs or do they scar our hearts and darken our minds? I have had relationships that brought me down, and though I repaired recovered nicely, I remain strapped with the memories of anger and pain unavoidably associated with my love life. I do not know if these experiences have made me smarter and tougher or if they have hindered my ability to be emotionally available. If what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, why are war victims traumatized? If what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, why do beaten children go on to beat their own children? It seems that the consequences of pain linger long after the fact.
I do not want to be a broken commodity; but I am not ready to be married. I do not feel like waiting for companionship and intimacy until I settle down, even though I know the meantime relationships that fill this time will invariably end. The consequences of terminated love are self-evident. And indefinite ending gives way to definite heartbreak. I cannot for the life of me decide if it is worth it.
Well, I spent the last 4 months dating a nice guy…a good guy…probably the best guy I’ve dated in a long time.Only problem was, we weren’t on the same page.I obviously know what I want and who I am and he, sadly, doesn’t have much of a clue…hence, the nickname Mr. I Don’t Know.The signs were there from the start, the confusion, indecisiveness, etc.I didn’t exactly IGNORE them, I just kind of put them on the back burner, hoping that I was wrong or that if we fell for each other, he’d become a MAN over night.No such luck.He had so many endearing qualities that I was drawn to, but when all was said and done, they weren’t enough to make things work.I really struggled with the decision to end things.I wanted to make sure I gave him and us enough of a chance.I’m also not used to being the one to end things…it sucks, man!!It may be worse than being the dumpee…you question if you did the right thing or not and it doesn’t help matters when the guy is a good guy.But, I mustered up the strength and did it.And we were apart for 6 weeks.It was supposed to be sort of a “time apart thing” to see if any clarity would come.But, nothing changed 6 weeks later when we saw each other at a comedy show that we had previously bought tickets to.For me, it was the closure that I had been waiting for.Though we had a blast at the show, I felt nothing for him romantically.And hearing on his end that he still “didn’t know” and thinks that maybe he’s “just not ready” but “is that stupid that I’m not ready?”etc etc etc…..just re-affirmed that I did the right thing.I need me a MAN who has his head on straight and knows what he wants!I walked away from that night with a newfound strength and belief in myself.And I vowed to never ignore my gut again!!Woo Hoo J
Well, the summer has come and gone and I’m finally back with an update. After the last doozy of a guy, I decided to just have a fun & carefree summer. And that’s exactly what I did. Most of the people I dated are unmentionables…just a few people to pass the time with, without getting my heart involved. But now, as the holidays and cold weather are approaching, well….it would be nice to have something more substantial. I’m loving my condo, loving life actually. Only one thing missing. And call me crazy, but I feel him approaching. Not sure who he is or where we will meet, but I feel like it’s finally my time. My head is on straight, I know who I am & what I want and I’m so tired of playing the field. Dating can be both fun and exhausting …but I guess if you want to meet your match, you gotta go through the process. Never in a million years did I think that it would be so hard to meet “him”….but one thing I’ve learned is that everyone’s time is different. And for whatever reason, it wasn’t my time…until now. This is my favorite time of year…with the holidays approaching, cold/rainy weather, curling up in front of the fireplace, hot cocoa….the perfect time to meet someone. Right? Right! But, as it has been the case for the past 4 years, it’ll happen when it happens! Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying life….Until next time,
I’ve been MIA for a few weeks because I FINALLY moved into my condo!Everything is going great and I’m so happy that all of that drama is behind me.Now….I must tell you all about someone who I “met” a couple weeks ago.We will call him “D” for Doozy….and boy was he ever!
We met online and had some pretty amazing phone conversations for about a week.He came down with a really bad cold and was bedridden most of the time.I know better than to believe any serious claims or feelings being said to me so early on, especially by someone I’ve never met in person.But….I guess the romantic in me chose to ignore what my gut new all along—that he was too good to be true.I broke my “talk as little as possible prior to meeting” rule and we averaged about 4-5 conversations per day.He said things like “You are so my type” and “I’m going to seriously date you” and even “ There’s a good chance I’m going to marry you.”Now, as you’re reading this, hopefully you aren’t rolling your eyes because you think that I believed a word that he said!Give me a little more credit than that.I took everything he said with a grain of salt.But there were some thoughtful gestures he made that were too sweet to ignore.The day I moved into my condo, he sent me the most gorgeous floral arrangement, full of my favorite colors and flowers.Attached, was a very sweet card and I was blown away that someone I never met would do something like that.The day I got my cable installed, he made me stay on the phone with him the whole time the cable guys were here; just to make sure I was safe (they were here almost an hour.)I was really looking forward to meeting “D” and our first date (that he planned especially for me) was set for the fourth of July.
The couple conversations we had prior to the date, seemed a bit off.Nothing terrible, but different from the others.My gut told me something had changed and that the date might not happen.Well, it’s called woman’s intuition for a reason.I got an email from him the day before the date saying he was going to pass on our outing and that even though we have a lot in common, he doesn’t think our personalities match and best of luck to me.WTF???Of course I picked up the phone (the way they used to do in the olden days) to try and have a mature conversation with him.He didn’t answer and never returned my message.I have no idea what changed, but I do know that it’s his issue and not mine.Whether it was another woman or simply “D” being a nutcase, I decided then and there not to waste an ounce of my energy trying to figure it out.I also decided that it was time for Robin to take on an entirely new attitude towards men and dating.After all, the summer is upon us and it’s time for some fun!
So i saw Sex & The City this week end and absolutely loved, loved, loved it! I’m going to take a break from writing about myself this week, and instead dedicate this blog to the lovely ladies of Sex & the City…
Love Lessons from Sex & The City
In their six years on the air, the SATC chicks endured the good, the bad, and the totally bizarre when it came to dating. Cosmo studied some of their most memorable relationships to find out what we could learn from the fabulous foursome.
Case study: Miranda and Steve When Miranda met bartender Steve Brady, she was skeptical as usual. He was nice (and easy on the eyes) but clearly not relationship material. Not surprisingly, their divergent careers created problems: conflicting schedules, fights about money, and different outlooks on life. Miranda could have deleted his number from her BlackBerry, but ultimately, his laid-back personality and devotion won her over. The unlikely pair started a family and eventually tied the knot. Lesson #1: Date against your type.
Case study: Carrie and Aidan
Hot furniture designer Aidan was everything Carrie thought she wanted in a man: emotionally available, honest, and ready to commit. Aidan wanted Carrie to meet his parents, have the keys to his apartment, and eventually be his wife. She attempted to change by quitting smoking (and nixing her addiction to Mr. Big), giving country life a shot, and wearing his engagement ring around her neck. But no matter how hard Carrie tried, she couldn’t commit to any of it. While Aidan seemed perfect on paper, he wasn’t the ideal guy for Carrie. Lesson #2: Don’t change for a man, no matter what.
Case study: Charlotte and Trey
An optimist with a very romantic view of love,
Charlotte believed her dreams had come true when she was literally rescued by the single, wealthy, and handsome Dr. Trey MacDougal. Despite some major red flags — a lackluster marriage proposal, a meddling mother-in-law, and a sexless honeymoon — Charlotte was determined to make the relationship work. Although she gave it her all, their union still failed. Lesson #3: Never ignore the warning signs that tell you a relationship isn’t working.
Case study: Carrie and Berger
Witty writer Jack Berger had these famous last words for Carrie, written on a Post-it note: “I’m sorry, I can’t. Don’t hate me.” After the abrupt end to their short, rocky relationship, Carrie vowed to spend the same amount of time getting over her breakup as Berger had spent ending it. If only it were that easy. Though Carrie managed to avoid him, she ended up melting down in front of his friends, which undoubtedly got back to him. She learned that it’s better to face the music (or in her case, the Post-it note) and get it over with. Lesson #4: As painful as breakups can be, you have to mourn before moving on.
Case study: Samantha and Smith
Samantha’s dating philosophy: “I’m a trysexual. I’ll try anything once.” Her only rule was to never fall in love. She was so set in her man-eating ways that when she scouted and seduced a gorgeous waiter at a raw food restaurant, she didn’t even ask his name. She encouraged the struggling young actor to play out his sexual fantasies and took him under her wing professionally, changing his name to Smith Jerrod and making him the Absolut Hunk. Somewhere between sex and stardom, Samantha fell in love and eventually confessed to Smith, “You’ve meant more to me than any man I have ever known.” Lesson #5: Dare to fall in love.
Case study: Carrie and Mr. Big
Sure, Carrie might have done some of the chasing, but in the end it was Mr. Big who showed up at her door the day she left New York City for Paris. Angry that his timing was always off, she screamed, “Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name!” But he didn’t give up. He called to tell her he loved her, and fortunately, Charlotte was there to answer his desperate call. The next day, he met the ladies for brunch and admitted, “You’re the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth.” With their blessing, Mr. Big went to Paris to get “their” girl. Lesson #6: Let him chase you.
Case study: Carrie
The eternal single girl had her share of romances, chronicled in her weekly column, but the truest love story is the one she wrote for herself. Bad luck and messy breakups were de rigueur in Carrie’s life. By surviving the pitfalls — a Manolo-mugging, a computer crash, and a very embarrassing fashion fall — Carrie gained the confidence and strength to continue her search for true love. “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself,” she said. “And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” Lesson #7: Be fearlessly single.
