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Jewish Singles: Boys Suck

I called him and we talked on the phone for like an hour.

It was our first phone conversation.  Well, second technically.  The first conversation he called me.  It was epic.

I hate talking on the phone, but I wanted to talk to him on the phone.  It was weird.  I had nothing to say.  It was like we just wanted to prove we were at a point in the relationship where we could do that.

We talked about absolutely nothing.  We talked about how he was bored and there was a bug in my kitchen.  We talked about how he thought someone was watching him, and how his friend’s dog is cute.  We talked about how strip clubs suck.  I said they suck because they’re ridiculous and degrading and it’s weird to want to get really turned on with all your guy buddies.  He said they suck because the strippers are usually unattractive and it’s a tease.

I don’t trust him yet.

It goes in waves.  I trust him for a little, but then the psychotic part of my brain sees that a girl wrote a smiley face on his Facebook wall and thinks, “Well, what if I’m just a pawn in this huge ploy to hurt my feelings?  What if I only THINK he really likes me, but in actuality he’s been texting all these other girls too and that’s why they’re going around writing smiley faces on his wall?  What kind of thing is a smiley face to put on someones wall anyway?  That’s not even a statement.  SAY SOMETHING, HUSSY.”

And then the rational part of my brain is like “I dunno Shoshana, that’s a lot to go through just to hurt your feelings. People usually only expend that kind of energy to use people for something, which he clearly isn’t doing, because you’re very far away and you have no money.  Also, he texts you like all the time.  How would he even have time to be flirting with other girls?  He’d have to be some kind of texting fiend.  Not to mention you hung out with him every night before he left.  He’d needed to have cloned himself to be seeing other people, and he’s been out of town ever since.  Smiley face girl is probably just some meshugana hussy who does that to everyone’s wall.

Why thank you Rational Shoshana.  That was necessary.

…But I didn’t trust it so I called John, a good friend of mine and mutual friend between me and smiley face girl on Facebook.

“Okay John so what’s her story?”

“HUGE hussy.”

…That’s what I thought.

“Flirts with everyone.”


“Had to transfer cause she got such a bad reputation.”

Far away.  Non-threatening.  But maybe they were keeping in touch?  After all, I’m far away and he’s keeping in touch with me.

The beginning of relationships are fun and exciting, but also terrifying because you’re not that secure with the situation yet.  You’re not comfortable enough around each other to really talk about your feelings, or what the relationship is, or where it’s going.  It’s like walking on eggshells.  Don’t let them know how much you really care, otherwise one might crack and suddenly they won’t like you anymore.  Don’t be too needy or they’ll get annoyed.  Don’t be too unavailable or they’ll give up.  Find a happy medium.

So my plan is, don’t call him.  But when he calls me, act really excited about it.  But not like, too excited.  Not like you were waiting for him to call or anything.  Cause you weren’t.  You were out.  You are busy and important and NOT checking your phone every two minutes and then complaining to your friends about how oh-well-you-never-liked-him-anyway, or you’re-too-good-for-him, or he’s-probably-gay.

Hmph.  Boys suck.

1 comment to Jewish Singles: Boys Suck

  • drica

    girls…after 21 years of marriage to a jewish boy who just left me for…???? please keep your job, family and friends…do NOT give up your dreams or your own for ANY boy (or girl), jewish or not!!!! no games, no lies, you will find the right one, and it does not have to be jewish…just honest. xxoo

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