Relationships usually fall apart on account of one thing: lack of honesty. It is at the base of any conflict. Cheating? Lack of honesty. Lying about small things like where you got that new bracelet? Lack of honesty (obviously). Not communicating your [...]]]> Honesty is something that is always lacking in relationships. Why start with a lie?

Relationships usually fall apart on account of one thing: lack of honesty. It is at the base of any conflict. Cheating? Lack of honesty. Lying about small things like where you got that new bracelet? Lack of honesty (obviously). Not communicating your feelings to your significant other? Lack of honesty.

I think it’s pretty clear that at the heart of every great relationship there is a healthy amount of honesty. I say “healthy amount” because we all know how great a few white lies are, for example “you look great!’ or “this dinner is so delicious” can seriously help the strength of a relationship. There is definitely a line between white lies and down-right lies, and this line is where trust can be broken.

Trust is a solid foundation for any relationship, and it is most often established by honesty. This seems like a pretty obvious assumption.  So if this is so obvious, why do so many people start off a new relationship with a lie? This lie could be anything from where you went to college, to how much money you make, to the most common lie: your age.

In the world of online dating, it is easier than ever to lie about your age without feeling guilty. However, there are now Jewish dating sites that call you out on this infraction. SawYouAtSinai and its partner, JRetromatch, have now implemented an amazing new initiative for their sites. SawYouAtSinai was the first to launch and now members’ profiles can be seen sporting a pretty green check mark beside their age if it’s been verified as accurate through public records searches or receipt of proof of I.D.  According to the websites’ founder, Marc Goldmann, “Many JRetroMatch members have already been verified and they will soon be able to see a green check mark of their own”.

I can’t stress enough how incredible it is that a Jewish dating site has finally realized what is fundamental to any relationship: honesty. Finally, people do not have to assume that the age they are seeing may not be correct. Members are no longer penalized for telling the truth because of the few who lie. What you see is what you get. Isn’t that how it should be in dating?

*Izzy*

A group of 20-somthing to 30-something [...]]]> So as I sit here watching a sleeping 5-month old baby boy, I secretly change the channel from Nick Jr.’s awful television show, Yo Gabba Gabba, and turn on reruns of my guilty pleasure, Grey’s Anatomy. And as I am watching, I realize all the false hope this show gives us.

A group of 20-somthing to 30-something year old doctors work in a hospital where every man they meet is a beautiful doctor. During their breaks they go and have sex with these beautiful doctors in the on-call room. Then they form a relationship and either go on to be married, whether it is a beautiful wedding or just a simple “I do” on a post-it note, and have children, or they have a horrible break-up and just find a new beautiful doctor the next week. And not to mention, they still get along with their exes.

Now, I understand that many Jews do become doctors, however I don’t think this really goes on in the hospitals…at least I hope it doesn’t. And either way, I am not a doctor and will never be one (an ER kind of doctor that is). But lets be honest, not every man or woman we meet is a beautiful successful doctor, or just even beautiful and successful. Unfortunately love doesn’t begin or end as easily as it does on Grey’s Anatomy, or any other show for that matter.

Us “real life” people have to go through what seems like an endless number of first dates, first kisses, and sometimes even first marriages to find the right man or woman. Sometimes we find this person when we are young and sometimes not until we are much older. It takes time and effort to find true love, not just a one night stand in the on-call room.

The moral of the story: Don’t expect Prince/ss Charming to just bump into you in the elevator one day and confess their undying love to you. Go out and go have fun, join a dating website, tell that special someone how you feel; whatever it is that you do just be pro-active in finding love-don’t wait for love to find you.

I have no home.  I’m at that age where I’m just starting to realize, I have no home.  College is my home I suppose, for the next year or so anyway, and then I’m off in the real world and I’ll have a house.  But not a home.

Until I get [...]]]> I’m very afraid of getting older.

I have no home.  I’m at that age where I’m just starting to realize, I have no home.  College is my home I suppose, for the next year or so anyway, and then I’m off in the real world and I’ll have a house.  But not a home.

Until I get married and settle down and become a real person.  I have to make my own home.  But that’s sooooo much responsibility.  And this time I would be the head of the household, you lose out on all the great benefits.  No rent, free food, whatever you want prepared for you!  I like being the child, I like being cared for.

Some people say men aren’t looking for wives, they’re just looking for someone to replace their mothers.  That’s probably true to an extent for some men.  Mothers are great.  I’ve said before, I think in general relationships serve an important purpose, and to a degree, that purpose is to replace their families.  Not replace, per say, but to regrow a family, and recreate that loving environment, or for those with more unfortunate childhoods, create for the first time.

But at this very young age I think I shall try to create a home with just myself.  I think I can feel at home by myself.  It’s quite a feat, but if I stay social enough I think it’s possible.  Someday home will be where I keep my kids and husband, but for today, home is where the food is.

Like marriage.  Marriage isn’t scary because it’s a commitment.  A relationship alone is a commitment.  Marriage can be scary because it’s a time commitment.  It’s promising not just today and tomorrow, but every tomorrow [...]]]> Time has a funny influence over us.  It matters so much without saying or doing or being anything but this abstract concept.

Like marriage.  Marriage isn’t scary because it’s a commitment.  A relationship alone is a commitment.  Marriage can be scary because it’s a time commitment.  It’s promising not just today and tomorrow, but every tomorrow for the rest of your life.  The concept of so much time can be terrifying. You worry it will drag on forever and become monotonous and boring.

Another terifying concept is the thought of too little time.  Then everything seems a whole lot better.  Suddenly you appreciate things more, see them in a better light because you realize you may never experience these things again.

Maybe it’s not about time at all.  Maybe it’s just about beginnings and ends.

I’m sorry.  I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting my dating advice.  You’ve probably broken up by now due to my lack of attention and for that I apologize.  But I have returned.

I’ve been having some internet technical difficulties lately, explaining the lack of posts for the past couple days.  I suspect Josh311 (the [...]]]> Hey all,

I’m sorry.  I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting my dating advice.  You’ve probably broken up by now due to my lack of attention and for that I apologize.  But I have returned.

I’ve been having some internet technical difficulties lately, explaining the lack of posts for the past couple days.  I suspect Josh311 (the name of the wireless internet I’ve been stealing for the last few days) is on to me and has broken up with me.  He has unfortunately severed all connections.  My heart mourns.  But I will go on.

And today is a brand new day and I have found a new guy to hook up with.  NETGEAR572.  And he’s twice the man you’ll ever be, Josh.  Three times the man when streaming video.

A woman on the bus was very mean to me today.  She had her stuff on the seat next to her and all the other seats were taken except for the ones reserved for the elderly and disabled.  I don’t like sitting in those seats because invariably, the moment I do, an elderly or disabled person comes on the bus, and of all the perfectly functioning 20-somethings on the bus sitting in those seats, I’m the only one to move.

So I ask her politely to move her things and she says “Well I really don’t want to, especially when there are other seats available…” (referring to the ones for the handicapped).

It took everything I had to hold back from saying, “I know but you just seemed like such a lovely person that I wanted to sit next to you.”

But I didn’t say that.  And she did move her stuff.  So I guess everything worked out.  But still, she didn’t have to be rude just cause she wanted her umbrella to have its own seat on the bus.  Fifty years ago African American people couldn’t even sit on the bus.  Rosa Parks had to represent.  Bus seats are a hot commodity.  I think that people from every color race and creed should have a seat on the bus.  But when it comes to umbrellas, I make no allowances.

So, what does this have to do with relationships?

Well I’ll tell you.

People are mean and cranky.

The end.

And when you’re a woman, this can be a common [...]]]> Hormones are a funny thing.  When you break it down to find love and hate and happiness and saddness is due in part to chemicals in the brain, you have to ask, what happens when these chemicals go crazy?  What happens when our hormones freak out?

And when you’re a woman, this can be a common occurrence.  Ah yes, the burdens of womanhood. Thanks, Adam and Chava. The price we pay for liking fruit.

So currently I am going insane and most people make me want to cry.  My boyfriend can’t seem to understand what he’s doing wrong and doesn’t believe me when I say “Nothing” and then storm off in a huff.  This soon shall pass.

But for all my complaints, when a man’s hormones go out of whack (which is usually a medical condition) they stop feeling all together.  They don’t feel happy, they don’t feel sad.  I once heard an interview with a man who had a temporary testosterone deficiency.  He just didn’t want anything.  He was terribly uninterested in everything.  He was never happy, but never sad.  Just very complacent.  He said at times he would just stare at a wall, not feeling anything inparticular.

But he still thought everything was beautiful.  And that’s a really wonderful thing to think about.  That at the heart of it all, without any chemical influence, everything really is beautiful.

It’s not that I mind hearing about it, it’s not that I don’t care about knowing that his favorite color is yellow and when he was 12 he played with trucks; it’s not [...]]]> My girlfriend Sammie is in love.  It’s great, I’m really happy for her.  I just wish she would shut up about it sometimes.

It’s not that I mind hearing about it, it’s not that I don’t care about knowing that his favorite color is yellow and when he was 12 he played with trucks; it’s not that I’m not interested in the fact that last Tuesday he said the word “bologna” in a British accent and she thought it was funny; it’s not even that ten minutes after gushing about how great he is she’ll go into a diatribe about how he’s a jerk for talking to his friends instead of her that one time.

And I really don’t care that no matter WHAT we talk about, absolutely everything will inevitably lead back to him.

“Hey Sammie, have you been to the new restaurant downtown?”

“No but Aaron went last week!”

“Sammie I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!”

“Oh no way!  Aaron goes to college!”

“Hey Sammie, did you know carrots used to be purple?”

“Aaron hates the color purple.”

I don’t mind it.  I really don’t care.  She can gush all she wants.  It’s just, that sometimes, I want to gush too.  And I can’t cause I’m too busy pretending to sound at all interested in every detail of what Aaron had for lunch.  I just want to scream,

“SHUT UP…..So I can tell you what Jack had for lunch.”

I find a food.  I fall in love with that food.  It’s love at first bite.  I want to eat nothing but that food, and I do, because I have absolutely no self-discipline.

Lately it’s been yogurt.  I just think it’s fantastic, [...]]]> My relationship with food does a good job of summing up my relationships with people.

I find a food.  I fall in love with that food.  It’s love at first bite.  I want to eat nothing but that food, and I do, because I have absolutely no self-discipline.

Lately it’s been yogurt.  I just think it’s fantastic, I can’t get enough of it.  It’s healthy, it helps me digest, it tastes delicious, it’s refreshing when it’s frozen.  I can see nothing bad about yogurt.  I’m this way with new boyfriends too.  I put them on a pedestal, idealize them, glorify their every quality.  What’s that you say?  You like peanuts?  Oh my god, you’re so awesome.  You guys, he likes peanuts.  We’re so gonna get married.

And so it begins, one thing leads to another, and then, if you play all your cards right, you are relationshipped.  Screw other foods.  All you want to do is eat nothing but yogurt.

Sometimes friends will call me and say, “Come on, let’s go out for dinner!  We can go to a nice restaurant!”  And I’d love to see my friends, but the truth is, I don’t want to go to a restaurant when I can just stay in and eat yogurt.  I have yogurt right here, it’s accessible, I already paid for it.  Yogurt is the food I’m craving.  Why would I waste money on something I don’t even want to eat?  Why would I go to the bars when I could just send yogurt a text message and he’d come right over?

Not many restaurants serve yogurt, ya know?  Not for dinner, anyway.

I have no desire to try other foods when I have yogurt.  It’s everything I want.  But just like relationships, food can’t just be based on what you want.  It also has to fulfill what you need.  You can’t get all your nutrients from yogurt, just like you can’t fulfill all your social needs with one person.

Another bad thing about eating yogurt for every meal is that no matter how much you love it, no matter how convinced you are that your feelings will never dwindle…Eventually, you’re gonna get sick of yogurt.  You’re gonna start eyeing the hummus, throwing winks at the potato salad, maybe even calling pizza over for a night.  And yogurt’s not gonna stop calling.  It’s just gonna sit there in the back of the fridge taking up space and being annoying until you dump it.

You decidedly like each other but there’s still a lot of getting-to-know-you involved.

Because when you decide to make someone your boy/girlfriend, you’re pretty much saying, “You’re going to be a person I’m going to spend a lot of time with.”  It’s like deciding to be [...]]]> Starting a new relationship is full of firsts.

You decidedly like each other but there’s still a lot of getting-to-know-you involved.

Because when you decide to make someone your boy/girlfriend, you’re pretty much saying, “You’re going to be a person I’m going to spend a lot of time with.”  It’s like deciding to be best friends.  You become best friends, but you usually don’t start out that way.

And until you get to that point, there’s some awkwardness.  There’s uncomfortable silence.  Long pauses in the conversation until someone says, “So…”

And you would think that over time there would only be less and less to talk about.  There’s so much to talk about at first!  You barely know eachother, everything’s fair game!  But then as the relationship progresses you forget to ask questions, assume you just know everything, and it dwindles back down…

But then, once you start to meld your lives together, suddenly you find there’s more to talk about.  You can talk about family, open up and discuss hopes and fears, and as mutual friends grow you can talk about them too.

Oh time time time.  I’m beginning to think that’s all relationships are.  Time and circumstance.  And beautiful eyes.