Few people have the confidence to just approach anyone and start a conversation without trying to sell you something. In fact, recently the only time a stranger approached me was to have a lovely conversation about my purse and how he would like me to give him all the contents of it. He found my movie stub for Sex And The City 2, we agreed that the tv show was much better, and then we had a nice goodbye in which I said “Nice to meet you” and he told me not to tell anyone about our encounter or he would kill me. This is actually how most of my dates end.
Random-Criminal-Man was my first friend in New York City, followed soon after by Homeless Beggar, and Scary-Man-On-The-Subway-At-3-AM-Who-Asked-Me-If-I-Had-Any-Cheese. With these being the only people with the courage to approach me, it’s no wonder that people grow highly skeptical when strangers make conversation. You can’t just randomly talk to people anymore. It doesn’t work that way. There’s too many crazies, too much crime, too many reasons not to trust people.
So we’ve learned not to talk to one another, not to be creepy. Instead we just sit tight and secretly hope maybe some day that cute guy on the bus will say something, and hopelessly post things we would have said on the Missed Connections section of Craigslist. Because apparently that’s less creepy.
Recently I tried to ask out a guy I like. We live in the same building and often say hi. He took the elevator with me one day and I knew that it was time to say something. So I wracked my brain to try to think of something to say, anything to say that wouldn’t be weird or awkward or creepy. Suddenly asking him out just seemed much too stressful and embarrassing. So I just robbed him and left.
Clearly, something needed to happen. Someone needed to step up and bridge the gap between people, give them a reason to trust someone, talk to them, give them something to say that didn’t make them sound stupid or awkward or crazy.
And that’s where a wingman comes in: Someone to introduce you, give charming little details about one another, help you find something to talk about. The hardest part about finding someone isn’t the getting-to-know-you, or the finding compatibility. A lot of time it’s just saying hello.
This is why hiring a professional wingman is the greatest idea in the whole world. I didn’t even know they existed until I read about one on thedatingwingman.com. Why say hello when you can get someone else to do it and it comes off as way less creepy?
If I had a professional wingman I would take him everywhere. On buses and subways, in elevators and to cafes. I would have him talk to that cute guy who’s always walking his dog in the park. And then I would have him talk to his dog. I would use him to meet everyone. It’s just someone who can strike up random conversation with people who isn’t Uncle Bernie when he’s drunk at a party. I don’t want to initiate conversation with people in real life. That’s why I have a Facebook. I don’t have time to get to know people, to wrack my brain for ways to casually introduce myself. I’m getting old, I have a job, I like to take naps. I don’t recycle just because I’m worried that at this point I’ll be dying alone and the only thing I’ll have to leave behind is my carbon footprint. And I want that to count for something.
I don’t want to say, “You had me at hello.” Hello is scary. Hello is what strangers say before they take your purse.
I want to say, “You had me at, ‘Hello…I’d like you to meet my friend.”