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Jewish Singles and Facing Fear

I felt  something today that I never felt before. I was proud of myself. I am usually so down on myself, and the perfectionism, in addition to the self esteem no being anywhere near room temperature doesn’t help much.

I usually run from confrontation. I am afraid of goodbyes, so I hide. I am an adult, and I fear to stand my ground, lest the ground I stand on give way to an abyss that I “shoulda known” and “whatta loser”– because Gigi should know Gigi will not be liked, will fail, isn’t the best….insert the stupidities.

Today, I decided to stand up and go against fear, and sadness of saying goodbye…I know I am being vague, but I just am, as I am scared that you will all know me suddenly(i fight my battles one at a time)…Suffice it to say, I took a leap of faith…and I fell into G-d’s arms.

 As disgustingly sweet as the old Gigi wouldv’e thought that sounded, it’s true. I tried. I am going tonight to face people–most that I care about and care about me, but some that know that I failed at a point in my life. I am going because I choose to be there when people I love achieve greatness.

I sit here crying, you are sitting there, puzzled.

 For once, I am proud of me.

Gigi, dealing with this evening one minute at a time….And will work on each fear, even those imagined, will try to battle….

 I am happy you guys are reading this–Whomever u are. I feel you are rejoicing with me.

With clammy hands, I leave the house…

Have a splendid night.


1 comment to Jewish Singles and Facing Fear

  • Gigi

    I am so sorry I only read this now, but so happy to have read it! Congratulations on taking a step so many are immobile with fear to take, and won’t–they will live in dire straits, because they may be afraid to be financially insecure, or alone, on their own….
    Judy–I don’t know your story, but I feel your strength in your words. Mazal Tov to you, as you are now a bird that was caged–you can fly–and now you can do more than ever–you can be the Judy that has yet to live life to its fullest–so you can soar!!!
    Even if the road isn’t perfectly smooth, I assure you, G-d is with you. Live your life and experience it–every day is a new day, a new you, with unlimitless oppurtunities awaiting.
    I rejoice with you!

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