After two nights ago’s Utopia, safe in someone’s arms, he wanted to bid me goodbye tonightm as he is going to another part of US and then back to Europe. I can’t say goodbye, and told him that, so he said that he won’t say the actual word.
Why make me love him more right before he amputates? He was never a part of me to amputate, but I am so starved for love, I made him a part of me. I highly doubt it’s an emotional goodbye he would like to give me…Is it a good makeout session? Is that what it boils down to? I worked a ten hour day, transportaion was three hours, as the thunderstorms caused delays.
As I type, I am changing into my nightshirt. I am not staying made-up for him. He has been cruel to me, but I took him back. I would be a pathetic loser to have him come over–and he can’t come HERE as I live with the people that conceived me and they are light sleepers–noway.
If he wanted to hug me, hold me…I would just have a gut feeling…I know him well enough to know it’s not going to be that. I am not doing this. I would rather be alone. I am very attracted, and stimulated by him, as well as feel safe with him–but walking into his arms would be walking KNOWINGLY INTO AN ENEMY’S TRAP.
Trap=Part….To Part Or Be Trapped? Anagrams…Intriguing…
I would rather everyone take three steps back and explain to me why I never was loved properly.
Preparing to be numb again.
Don’t touch me. Don’t get close.
Gigi, Fenced in Safely