In the cafe’, Josh nixed the idea of Hairspray, The Movie, even though he was in the mood for a movie. I am flexible that way. Whatever. Movie, no movie, movie I have seen, etc…
When in the Cafe’, Josh kept staring at plain looking girls wearing skimpy sundresses, some who I believe forgot that “Support Can Be Beautiful” and left home…very free, and the like. Well, he liked.
I can admit when a girl has a hot body, or is beautiful. This isn’t a competition.
Josh believes in tough love and brutal honesty. I believe he is beauitful, but if he would make a comment that would painful, I would tell him, after freezing into immobility, and getting a lump in his throat…
Josh who thinks I am so awesome in so many ways I won’t say, basically said the way I dress, covered up(very fashionista, edgy–I get compliments from people in the fashion industry all the time), didn’t attract him….Wasn’t a problem all the times I made him feel so awesome…All the times he was so smitten with me…
He wants me to show my legs open-neck, a la sundress, etc…One of you, my dear readers wrote to me to tell him that if he really cared he would love/like me for who I am…I thank you for that. I told him. He said he can’t. He said he is very shallow, and even if my body is good under clothing, he needs the visual to turn him on…And he thinks in his moments of omniscience(I took the liberty of adding that, but he does believe he sees the innermost me…If he did, he never would’ve allowed my heart to fall so hard and sigh, give up, cry, and stop believing in everything. Really.)
I took a cab home and had him come along because he had to be in the area(by the way, while I was with him, I was hit on by a few niiiiice guys–he made believe he didn’t notice, and I definitely did the same. I only have eyes for him–oh, and by the way? He has a bit of a stomach. I don’t. Yet he needs perfection. Witness Exhibit A– A skeleton with dead eyes. Want to date her? Because I can be her. So many guys I know want her. They see her on the runway on some Fashion Channel, and since I work with some celebs and pple in the fashion industry–I know, I can close my mouth, fill the void with this all encompassing pain…..
OF ALL PEOPLE–THE ONE THAT MAKES PEOPLE LAUGH WHEN THEY ARE DOWN, THE ONE THAT LOVES, THE ONE WHO FEELS TOO MUCH, WHY, WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY CAN’T I BE LOVED???
A HELLISH LIFE LEADS TO WHAT???? IF THIS IS WHERE IT LEADS TO, LET ME BE, IN A HEAP, CRYING….
HIT ME AGAIN! HURT ME AGAIN! IS THIS FUN FOR ANYONE???
Gigi, not sure anymore what her purpose is in the “grand” SCHEME of things, and hurting so badly….