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Jewish Singles: Commitment

Tu B’Av was on Monday.  Tu B’Av is the day in the Hebrew calendar when you’re supposed to find your soulmate.

I did not find my soulmate :-(

But I did find some alcohol and a gentleman who was quite fond of my behind.  He would like to take it to the movies.  I’m not sure if I’m invited.

I was reading this article from Scientific American Mind about online dating.

There was a line in it that said, “We already have a commitment problem in America, one of several reasons why roughly half of first marriages and about two thirds of second marriages here end in divorce.”

We have a commitment problem.  That’s it?  Not a compatibility problem, not a staying in love problem, not a finding-the-perfect-one-for-you problem.  A commitment problem.  So, the hard part isn’t falling head-over-heels in love with someone…We can do that pretty easily.  The hard part is hanging out with them all the time afterward.  We can make the promise, we can get to the point of marriage, somehow all of that happens easily…We can say the vows…We just can’t stick to them.

Is that it?  Have we been evaluating this all wrong, hoping that love and butterflies will be the everlasting glue keeping us together?  It’s just a commitment issue?

This must be why in studies they say that arranged marriages result in greater instances of long-term happiness.  They don’t have that initial flash of love, they don’t go by the adrenaline rushes or butterflies or meet-me-on-top-of-the-empire-state-building feeling we call love.  They’re not as good at grand acts of romance, or initual sparks.  But they sure can do commitment.  They don’t start out in love, they grow into it.  They build love through a mutual respect for one another.

I often wonder if you can just stick any two people in a room together and see if they’ll fall in love eventually.  One of two things will happen:  They will either grow to love each other or hate each other.  But perhaps those emotions aren’t as far off from one another as we thought.  They both involve caring a lot about someone.

I think the most offensive thing you can feel towards someone is apathy.  To just not care completely.  That hurts worse than hate.  This, I think, is why so many people are mean.  Nobody paid any attention to them otherwise.

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