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Jewish Singles: Foodie: Or, Why You Shouldn’t Spend All Your Time With Only Your Boy/Girlfriend

My relationship with food does a good job of summing up my relationships with people.

I find a food.  I fall in love with that food.  It’s love at first bite.  I want to eat nothing but that food, and I do, because I have absolutely no self-discipline.

Lately it’s been yogurt.  I just think it’s fantastic, I can’t get enough of it.  It’s healthy, it helps me digest, it tastes delicious, it’s refreshing when it’s frozen.  I can see nothing bad about yogurt.  I’m this way with new boyfriends too.  I put them on a pedestal, idealize them, glorify their every quality.  What’s that you say?  You like peanuts?  Oh my god, you’re so awesome.  You guys, he likes peanuts.  We’re so gonna get married.

And so it begins, one thing leads to another, and then, if you play all your cards right, you are relationshipped.  Screw other foods.  All you want to do is eat nothing but yogurt.

Sometimes friends will call me and say, “Come on, let’s go out for dinner!  We can go to a nice restaurant!”  And I’d love to see my friends, but the truth is, I don’t want to go to a restaurant when I can just stay in and eat yogurt.  I have yogurt right here, it’s accessible, I already paid for it.  Yogurt is the food I’m craving.  Why would I waste money on something I don’t even want to eat?  Why would I go to the bars when I could just send yogurt a text message and he’d come right over?

Not many restaurants serve yogurt, ya know?  Not for dinner, anyway.

I have no desire to try other foods when I have yogurt.  It’s everything I want.  But just like relationships, food can’t just be based on what you want.  It also has to fulfill what you need.  You can’t get all your nutrients from yogurt, just like you can’t fulfill all your social needs with one person.

Another bad thing about eating yogurt for every meal is that no matter how much you love it, no matter how convinced you are that your feelings will never dwindle…Eventually, you’re gonna get sick of yogurt.  You’re gonna start eyeing the hummus, throwing winks at the potato salad, maybe even calling pizza over for a night.  And yogurt’s not gonna stop calling.  It’s just gonna sit there in the back of the fridge taking up space and being annoying until you dump it.

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