I am a good kisser. I know it. I am not conceited. I just…can gauge a reaction from a male when I kiss them, and I um…know I am very good. I don’t kiss anyone though. It’s an intimate thing. Very. There are also those terrifying kissers:
The Saliva Kisser–So much saliva from him to you(Hey guys, don’t kill me here. I never kissed a girl that way, so I am sure it goes both ways.), you feel you are SS(Swapping Saliva).
The Tongue Searcher– The guy that sticks his tongue all the way down to your esophagus as if searching????
The KKK(Klueless Kisser Katastrophe)–It’s Junior High all over again. How can u spell Deja Vous? He kisses you and freezes, like a statue, in that kiss position. He’s new at dating. Former Urkel type–Pocket Protector, High Water Pants, Now on Forbes 500. Why not give him a chance? Well, you have better luck with the Lottery. He is frozen, almost like a statue, eyes closed, ur eyes bulging out of your sockets, and wish you can send an S.O.S. to the Usher, or that annoying teen that is throwing popcorn and Nibs on the back of all his friends craniums.
THE BAD BREATH SMOOCHEROO–The worst. Listerine strips? A toothbrush? Even soap? The dude’s mouth smells like what u imagine the NYC Sewer smells like(No, I am not mean…There is a bit of hyperbole here, hon–but this is very real(and I see you nodding, some of my homies–I do not stand/sit/crouch alone). He has an affinity for onions. Healthy. –FOR LOSING FRIENDS. Come on–A tip. Breathe on your sleeve–if sleeve smells, brush, floss, MOUTHWASH–and gargle for a minute! Or BINACA! Please! Save us from dying of noxious fumes!!!
The Groper–You were waiting to see a movie for months, he takes you, gropes away in the dark, blocks ur line of vision, u can’t see the movie, and he kisses you in one of the way listed above. You wan’t to throw an XXXL Tub of Buttered Popcorn Over His Head, call your girlfriend, go eat Uncle Louie G Lemon Ices, (brush teeth before an insane amount of times, OCD Listerine, and come up with the utterly ingenious idea of Purell that is EDIBLE. Yeah.
The guy I really like…He kissed me…Really well…Guess we r both in sync…But he held me, and he kissed me on my forehead too. That was the best kiss of all.
THE MOST INTIMATE THING HE DID, AND NO ONE EVER DID WITH ME??? FORGET A KISS. HE HELD MY HAND. Now THAT IS THE ZENITH OF INTIMACY.
And he leaves tonight.
In a not fair Verona, two star-crossed lovers meet….
I cannot have a tragic or painful ending.
I accept fate, but there is a certain amount we can do. We cannot sit and think G-d is going to take care of it. Oh, He is The One In The Know–But we have to do what we have to do.
And if it means, visiting him miles and miles away, on a far away continent that he lives, so be it.
Oh, but the job
The job is hellish.
Gruesome details another time.
XOXOXOX(No Saliva, Bad Breath or AA Batteries included),