I am single again.
I didn’t see the writing on the wall, I was so busy worrying about Josh’s need for skeletal perfection with regards to me….
I called someone very very wise that is objective and helps me see things with greater clarity, after yesterday’s disturbing harping in which Josh said I had so much potential if only I used weights, and lost a lot more weight like the girls he was looking at in the city while he spoke to me…Uh, and I am thin and tall…Does he want me to do a Nicole Richie pre-pregnancy??? Apparently he wants a Supermodel, but he will be getting one to go, because that much abuse to my body, again, my heart will not be able to withstand.
After talking to the very intelligent, wise person that clears the cobwebs from my mind, he asked me something interesting. He said to discuss religion w/ Josh. I was mystified and a bit discombobulated–but thought, hey, why not? We never did–We should.
Turns out he is an Atheist. Yep. Because he says he suffered so much in his life, he doesn’t believe there is a G-d and when he does indeed marry, he will raise his children with this (non)belief.
He thought that because I had a rough life, I would be on the same page. I held the phone to my ear, tears streaming down my face…I suffered,yes. Everyone has their battle wounds in their personal wars in Life. Yet, when I fell the lowest and couldn’t get up, and felt there was no point to my life–that was when G-d came into my life. I felt a turnaround. I felt things changing for the better.
I am alive today and kicking BECAUSE G-d wouldn’t let me surrender.
Josh is angry that he suffered, as it makes no sense–he is too nice a guy, hence, he believes there is no G-d. (His I.Q. is not low at all.)
And I proposed to him after “KNOWING” him for 24 hrs!
Back to square one…but I amthisclose to believing you arent out there, the other part of my soul…
Yet, I believe.
Tomorrow is another day. Today, G-d hold me because there is no one to do so.
Gigi, curled up in the fetal position, very proud of her decision, in so much pain because of her decision.