So the other day, as I bundled up in my Victoria’s Secret thermal PJs, HUE slipper socks, and additional sweatshirt from a guy I dated for 4 twitches of the eye, and never returned, as he forgot to ask for it back, and it was so delicious–so broken in, comes to my knees, so yummy!, eating an illegal amount of cinnamon apple oatmeal with a liberal dose of granola and toasted coconut as topping–that I found myself looking into the mirror, on the way to my room, juggling my cell, and the hefty bowl.
I saw a single, with a pale face, no makeup, a zit that was an uninvited, unwelcome guest and overstayed it’s welcome, on my right cheekbone, brown hair, in a casual bun on top of my head, and lips red and chapped, but in a semi-smile.
I looked at peace.
“Donnie Darko”, my favorite movie of all time, was waiting for me in my DVD player to be watched for the umpteenth time, when I realized: I THINK I LIKE SINGLE LIFE.
I SAID IT! I THINK I LIKE SINGLE LIFE!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!! IS THAT NORMAL??? IF I WAS MARRIED, I COULDN’T LOOK LIKE THIS. I would be wearing some tiny negligee and turning blue from the cold, wearing makeup and a pout, in a Victoria Secret Supermodel-like position and starving, lest I gain a few ounces, and have my husband run into the arms of Adriana Lima.
I AM COMFORTABLE. I AM PEACEFUL. I AM HAPPY. I AM SINGLE.
I AM TERRIFIED. IS IT ONLY ME? ANY OF YOU OUT THERE KNOW THE FEELING?
Gigi, sucking in her cheekbones, and applying nude lip gloss.
THIS IS FOR MALES AND FEMALES–HEY, MEN LIKE BLING TOO, RIGHT?
I discovered something new on the market.
Something that will help ease the pain of the little gashes and holes and tears in one that has been hurt’s heart, aside of course from PAYING FOR THERAPY, (SHOE THERAPY, BERGDORF THERAPY, BLACK AMEX CC THERAPY, EATING YOU OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME AND BECOMING A HUGE NEW SIZE, THEREFORE, NEEDING A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE, THERAPY, AND THEN YOU DUMP THE PERSON AND AN ATTORNEY IS NEEDED THERAPY)…
FOR THE CHEATERS–CHICKS AND GUYS–DON’T EVEN READ THIS…YOU SHOULD BE IN CONFESSIONAL, WAILING THROUGH THE METAL NET, THEN REPENTING, AND LIVING LIVE LIKE MOTHER THERESA/FATHER TERRY, ALBEIT WITH A BANK ACCT IN THE CAYMANS, IN HEIDI’S NECK OF THE ALPS, AND FRIENDSHIPS WITH EVERY DIVINE, FABULOUS, DESIGNER.
AND YOURY CAN BE FRIENDS WITH THE DEVIL…
AND YOU CAN TRY TO CONVINCE THE DEVIL TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU–BUT UH…GOOD LUCK, AS LONG AS YOU GET ME PRADA.
Here my friends are the bandages are just the beginning of what you will have to purchase to heal the damage you cause my ticker.
Think before you hurt me.
Swarovski Bling Band Aid
This is probably the one product that we waited forever for to be finally released… We first presented this unusual accessory about a year ago when it was just developed and first test production had just started. Then late summer they were supposed to be ready to ship, but we had to wait until last week when we finally received the actual packages. We still think they are utterly funny: Blinged out band aids with 4 Swarovski crystals available in three crisp colors (White, Red and Pink) and one sweet little tin. Designed by talented Fabian Seibert, who brought us the Miss Lacey bracelets amongst other goodies.
But don’t worry, you don’t need to have bruises or cuts that you would cover up! Just throw one of these sweet little band-aids on your shoulder and be certain to catch more than just a glance cruising through the bars and clubs…
Price: $12 / 8€ plus shipping
(I found this @ www.charlesandmarie.com and it is going fast)
Gigi, heart covered in twinkling sparkles
So most of you are probably still reeling from my use of the word “witch” with a “b” instead of the “w.” I’m not sorry. Those of you out there that bought the book will understand wy that is, and are probably recommending it to friends, and going through a ginormous “aha” moment. It’s never too late to change and command respect.
WARNING: I took it too far. After dating for really a brief time, I asked the guy I was dating (did I give him a faux name?), Jay, to tell me where we stood on Thursday night. Were we a couple? We were indeed in the status of “dating”? I pushed him to the wall, metaphorically, and left his car crying so hard–running up the stairs to my house, while he was still downstairs, feeling horrible…
He offered to take it slow and be friends, and I wanted commitment NOW, YESTERDAY, AEONS AGO.
I SUBCONSCIOUSLY CHOKED AND SABOTAGED A COULD BE PROMISING RELATIONSHIP–LIKE A MOVIE SCRIPT WRITER, WELCOMING IN THE PROTAGONIST, REALIZING HE MAY BE THE KEY TO HAPPINNESS, BUT IN A SLOW WAY, ALLOWING TIME TO UNITE US, AND SUDDENLY BECOMING AN ICE SCULPTURE OF FEAR, ERGO, METAMORPHOSING HIM AS THE ANTAGONIST, AND KILLING HIS CHARACTER OFF PREMATURELY.
I realized my mistake, and missed him so….We spoke Sat. nite and decided to rewind–be friends, and see what happens…I will not dare to dream, pls dont allow me to…
I want this one to work.
Gigi, thinking clearly for once
Oops, I said the “B” word! See if I care.
I broke up with the guy I was dating for less than two weeks because he couldn’t deal with dating–the state of dating. HE RAN AFTER ME BECAUSE WE WERE SET UP AND I WASN’T INTERESTED…PURSUED ME UNTIL I FINALLY AGREED TO CHILL WITH HIM…
GIRLS–ONCE HE KNEW I REALLY LIKED HIM AND I WAS ALWAYS THERE, HE FELT BLAH ABT THE RELATIONSHIP.
I am reading a book for the second time–the first time was when a couple of years back–you have to buy this book, borrow it, whatever–”Why Men Love Bitches”, by Sherr y Argov. She wrote one abt Why Men will marry bitches, but thats not the one u want to read.
It’s not like The Rules, (which was ironically tragi-comic that one of the two author ended up getting divorced). This is for nice girls that put their heart out there too early, get hurt too fast, are too available, etc….
NO MORE PAIN. THIS IS A VICIOUS CYCLE AND MY TICKER CAN’T TAKE THE ” i wuz here” scraped into its surface, like nails on a blackboard, festering wounds, stitches that are permanent, and bandages that don’t hold in the bloody teardrops.
GUYS–I DON’T HATE YOU BECAUSE A FEW OF YOU ARE JERKS. SOME OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS ARE MALE. You may want to read the book as well(no, I don’t get commission), or skim through it at your nearest Barnes and Noble. One of my guy friend went through it, and had a smile on his face and nodded his head most of the time.
Guys–or if there is ONE GUY OUT THERE THAT I AM TALKING TO AND IS LISTENING AND WILL HEED TO WHAT I AM ASKING OF YOU–please don’t hurt her. Whoever she is. If it’s not happening, lie. Don’t let her be in pain. Please. It’s going to be a loooong Saturday night…things will happen…DON’T HURT HER.
Gigi, holding strong but not knowing how….
So I am sitting here, terrified, because life is so short, and Im dating someone I actually like, and I have Chronic F.O.A.(Fear Of Abandonment).
My great-uncle, who has us as his only family, is very ill, and took a turn for the worse today, and it was a wake up call yet again—life is short, Gigi, do what you have to do, get to your goals, surpass them–build a family…
But the guy I am “dating” is still open to meeting other people, and has yet to decree that we are “dating”, yet can be so close to me…
My friend is going overseas for work reasons. Now she is abandoning me too, which is overreacting, I know, but can’t anyone stay at my side and never let go????????????
So, I was psyched up to tell you about this new guy I met, all ready to tell you “Never say never” because he is nothing I was looking for and everything I was looking for and came when I wasn’t looking–a true gift–hence, the hemming and hawwing re: sharing the morsel of happinness thrown my way, with you, lest it was some hallucination in a starving woman’s eyes.
The tragi-comedy of Gigi’s life. She dares to hope, dream, laugh, falls, cries, runs away, returns, and the cycle? Well, let’s just say I hope it not a FULL Recycle.
Dear Mr Hello Goodbye-If u are reading this, as you know I write, just not here, so I know and hope you aren’t–I think you are great–your flaws are beautiful, your laugh is infectious, you are intelligent and funny and real and it’s only when I am with you that I feel safe.
That said, it aint over ’til the fat lady sings. Opera is no longer for heavy women. I go to sleep listening to Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli singing a song we listened to more than once….And R.S.? If u r reading this? All my love for introducing me to music that pierces my soul. I give to you…yet again its that time…wish I had that love…and this one was different, but…”It’s time to say goodbye”…..