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Jewish Singles & Top 10 Turn-Offs For Women

Last night was surreal…Last night was WOW… and I will write about it in a few, but this caught my eye as it was put up on Yahoo Personals, and I found myself nodding and smiling…I WAS SMILING!!!!!!!HELL YEAH!!!!!! You will know  why in my next post…In the meanwhile enjoy this read, and let me tell you…last night i started to like myself…oh! and I can dirty dance=0)

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/print24995/10-turnoffs-that-make-great-gals-wave-goodbye;_ylt=AuZUNVxzcTp2BC7FPvtMeFy9QIp4

Gigi, getting ready to give you some good news–finally!

Jewish Singles–I Can’t Breathe…

Haven’t heard from me in a while, eh? Remember what I wrote some time back in the blog entitled “Jewish Singles & NOTHING!!!”.

I didn’t tell you a piece of information a few weeks back, and I am so happy I didn’t as perhaps I knew deep down that it would be the same old same old–I would have another blog that would say, Oh….see….

I GOT A WONDERFUL JOB–IT PAYS WELL, MY CO-WORKERS ARE SWEET BUT I AM SCARED SH*^LESS BECAUSE EVERY JOB I GET, I MANAGE TO GET THE PINK NEGLIGEE FROM…THERE WAS A LOT OF MEMORIZATION AND COMPUTERS AND CUSTOMER SERVICE….AND THIS WEEK, THREE DAYS AFTER J. TOLD ME IN GRAPHIC WORDING THAT HE HAD SEX WITH SOME CHICK, IN A COLD, DEAD VOICE–WHILE I WAS AT A CLOSE FRIEND’S WEDDING–MY MOTHER GOT THE CALL THAT I WAS LET GO.

What a failure. I am such a failure. I had the job for less than two weeks and was in training–no explanation–I didn’t have the chance to try doing the customer service on my own…and here I am, writing my blog, with a negative amount of money in my bank account, so scared….

When I heard the news, I turned white. Wow, two huge blows in one week. What should I say? Your blogger, Gigi, is a loser. Why do you even read my blog? It’s such a sad story…William Shakespeare would need a handful of Zanax and call this a pathetic life not worth tragedy as it is so boring and the main character is so….good.

 Maybe I’m not….Good, that is…

I am going to sleep.

 Please, someone respond…

Gigi, empty, a shell….

Jewish Singles & Disposable Marriages

Disclaimer: I love weddings, my closest friends are getting married these days, and I think its fabulous! I am not anti-marriage, even though I may be a bit commitment-phobic, due to being burnt a few too many times, but I am all for marriage, love, don’t need the horse and carriage and Al Bundy’s sweaty armpits a la dysfunctional TV when insomnia hit and you found yourself singing “Love and Marriage(2x) Go together like a horse and carriage”(high decibal squeak)….you get my drift.

The strange thing these days is that together with disposable everything–cutlery, bibs, tablecloths, diapers…(when I was a baby, I think I had the cloth kind…Wow, am I happy I wasn’t the mother of me….Ok, that sounds so so wrong.)

 Then there are Disposable Marriages and Relationships.

 Years ago, seldom did one hear so often that this one got divorced, that one cheated on their spouse and is filing for divorce, the other one got bored and started roving in other pastures, etc…

Divorce was a shocking thing 20 yrs ago, 15 yrs ago–even 10 years ago it wasn’t as rampant and normal and such a repetitive occurrance as it is today. It almost seems as if the ones THAT AREN’T divorced have a problem!

I would like to go further into this, but first I of course got to the kooky side of me, and thought hmm….wedding….disposable…I came up with the following….

To be continued….

ALL.THESE.WEDDING.GOWNS.WERE.MADE.OF…….

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TISSUE PAPER AND TOILET PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kid you not. Someone very talented is on to something….

What’s next? TIN-FOIL WEDDING BANDS????

GIGI–LOOKING FOR TIL DEATH DO US PART, BUT NO DYING YOUNG FOR HER.

Jewish Singles & Divorce Cakes

So Last night this Maid Of Honor danced the night away, and actually “Look, Mom! No blisters!” Things felt a bit uncomfie because the photog is single and someone that wanted to chill a while back, and I didn’t feel, based on the phone calls and discussions on a myriad of topics that we were on the same page–let alone the same library. So this is to hoping he wont censor me out of all the photos, or draw a mustache and beard on my face in them.

The wedding cake was really funky and cool–no bride and groom atop a tower of Crisco. I was a bit curious(these things go on in my head…See? One thing you can be happy about–you don’t have my wacky thought processes)…May the bride and groom be ensconced in joy and love forever…..

But what about the people that Heaven Forbid divorce, and are actually RELIEVED  when they do, as the marriage was so terrible…Is there a Divorce Cake???

YOU BETTA BELIEVE IT…..divcake1.jpg

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Gigi, Wacky as Usual

Jewish Singles & Killing Me

I came to the conclusion that if Josh wanted me to dress a certain provocative way….so be it. I would.

Friday found me buying lacy lingerie(???) and wearing a fitted tee, with a bubble skirt,  and  hot heels.

I called Josh as he hadn’t called me since Wednesday when we had our kinda breakup. Something in his voice seemed…off…and I had a nagging feeling that I should be picking up on something…My gut feelings are usually correct. No–I am not a psychic psycho(okay, psycho maybe=0), but I have always had a bit of intuition–nothing Palm Reader/Tarot Card/Freaky Ouija Board kinda things–Just had a feelingthat something had happened even if I had no idea if it did or didn’t…and it did…Many times I am wrong…

G-D, HOW I WANTED TO BE WRONG ON FRIDAY….

While speaking to J, and missing him an awful lot, even though he is mean to me(but that is all I know, and yes, I took many psychology classes-this is classic.), I blurted out  Saturday Night as Friday’s call left me with an unsettling feeling,”Josh, did u sleep with someone?”

There was deafening silence and a pause that seemed to last for eternity when he replied, in shock “Yes. How did you know?”

He was always weirded out how I guessed things…Since I am still a Certified Member Of The “V” Club (Yes, I am a Virgin, and proud of it…I am not frigid though, and not that innocent….), he thought that Wed night when he told me he wasn’t attracted to me, we were over, so Thursday night, he slept with a chick(I guessed who)….The way he said it….His voice was so icy and his language so crude when he described having intercourse with her….it was….I couldn’t breathe….

 I felt the tears on my face before I realized it, and couldn’t catch my breath….I did calming breath exercises so as not to have an anxiety attack, G-d Forbid…I kept asking, “But how could u do it to me?” “I care about you so much”, “Was I not enough?”, “Why?” ‘Why to me?”

 My breathing was still very labored…and I was lightheaded….He wanted to get back together and start over….

FOR WHAT??? ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.

FOR HIM TO TELL ME THAT I AM FAT AS A SIZE SIX AND CAN LOSE A LOT MORE WEIGHT IF I TRIED, WHEN HE HAS A GUT?

FOR HIM TO HURT ME AGAIN?

I know many of you are probably thinking I asked for it, because he had been so mean before…I should have just left the relationship…But I crave to give love, and be loved, or whatever that feeling is….

The crass, cruel way he said she satifisfied him.

He went into detail.

I used to boost his self esteem, I don’t know what happened here…

I know what happened here.

I was starving for love, and kept going back to abuse because that’s all I know.

Gigi, alone, even as she reminisces, has trouble breathing….

Why is it so difficult to find pure untainted love?

Why is it the one that gives love–me–that gets thrown to the gutter, laying there in a heap, crying….but will go back if there is a chance for a morsel, a microscopic, infinitestimal chance I might be able to right things again and be loved.

WAIT. IF I CAN’T BREATHE AND I AM SHAKING IN PAIN, IN MOURNING OVER WHAT WAS, WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, AND THE ULTIMATE COLD BETRAYAL–WAS IT LOVE?

OR IS LOVE A MYTH?

EITHER WAY, I AM OUT OF THE GAME.

PLAY WITHOUT ME. THERE IS TOO MUCH AT STAKE.

Gigi, her heart having taken too many stabs….

Jewish Singles ‘N Maid. Of Honor???

Tonight I am going to be a Maid of Honor. I was never a MOH(Maid of Honor) b4. And frankly, being anyone’s maid is NOT an honor in my book. I looked up my duties. For a minute there it all sounded like fun–a bit kinky–in my mind’s eye, I was purchasing a Maid’s outfit complete with a feather duster, and looking, well…slutty. Right–Halloween doesn’t come out in August, nor am I a porn star. (Awww…lol…I am an amazing thespian…talent gone to waste, I tell you.)

My friend told me I am supposed to walk down the aisle with the Best Man (Wikipedia didn’t mention that–is she changing the rules??? Wikipedia is my bible today….Well, the ones I pick I will stick to=0) who is ANYTHING BUT THE BEST OF MEN. The little I spoke to him, he couldn’t make eye contact–he was too busy undressing all the chicks and MILFs and the Engagement Party. He was a Bulemic Moment waiting to happen. If he has to walk down the aisle with me, I hope my stiletto doesn’t crush one of his male chauvenistic metatarsals.

The color scheme(see??? the word scheme gives it away…something is rotten in the State of New York) is brown. No waaaay. I have a few designs that are so minute on my gown that even G-d would need to put on His reading glasses to see em. I am in all black…Love it!

The bridesmades dresses are not only satiny, they have an additional irridescence that make even the most anorexic of them all look morbidly obese.  I guess there are perks to being a maid.  And stubborn.

One of my jobs apparently was (whoops!) to organize a bachelorette party….Oy vey. I would have jumped out of a cake, but wouldn’t want to have the bride go into cardiac arrest right before her nuptuals. And a Chippendales-looking male? I wouldn’t want to cheat on the guy who I was dating, that I told you I broke up with….

I um….

I will tell you in my next post how I fell worse than ever….

Gigi, so witty! So cool! Such a faker.