Hormones are a funny thing. When you break it down to find love and hate and happiness and saddness is due in part to chemicals in the brain, you have to ask, what happens when these chemicals go crazy? What happens when our hormones freak out?
And when you’re a woman, this can be a common occurrence. Ah yes, the burdens of womanhood. Thanks, Adam and Chava. The price we pay for liking fruit.
So currently I am going insane and most people make me want to cry. My boyfriend can’t seem to understand what he’s doing wrong and doesn’t believe me when I say “Nothing” and then storm off in a huff. This soon shall pass.
But for all my complaints, when a man’s hormones go out of whack (which is usually a medical condition) they stop feeling all together. They don’t feel happy, they don’t feel sad. I once heard an interview with a man who had a temporary testosterone deficiency. He just didn’t want anything. He was terribly uninterested in everything. He was never happy, but never sad. Just very complacent. He said at times he would just stare at a wall, not feeling anything inparticular.
But he still thought everything was beautiful. And that’s a really wonderful thing to think about. That at the heart of it all, without any chemical influence, everything really is beautiful.
My girlfriend Sammie is in love. It’s great, I’m really happy for her. I just wish she would shut up about it sometimes.
It’s not that I mind hearing about it, it’s not that I don’t care about knowing that his favorite color is yellow and when he was 12 he played with trucks; it’s not that I’m not interested in the fact that last Tuesday he said the word “bologna” in a British accent and she thought it was funny; it’s not even that ten minutes after gushing about how great he is she’ll go into a diatribe about how he’s a jerk for talking to his friends instead of her that one time.
And I really don’t care that no matter WHAT we talk about, absolutely everything will inevitably lead back to him.
“Hey Sammie, have you been to the new restaurant downtown?”
“No but Aaron went last week!”
“Sammie I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!”
“Oh no way! Aaron goes to college!”
“Hey Sammie, did you know carrots used to be purple?”
“Aaron hates the color purple.”
I don’t mind it. I really don’t care. She can gush all she wants. It’s just, that sometimes, I want to gush too. And I can’t cause I’m too busy pretending to sound at all interested in every detail of what Aaron had for lunch. I just want to scream,
“SHUT UP…..So I can tell you what Jack had for lunch.”
My relationship with food does a good job of summing up my relationships with people.
I find a food. I fall in love with that food. It’s love at first bite. I want to eat nothing but that food, and I do, because I have absolutely no self-discipline.
Lately it’s been yogurt. I just think it’s fantastic, I can’t get enough of it. It’s healthy, it helps me digest, it tastes delicious, it’s refreshing when it’s frozen. I can see nothing bad about yogurt. I’m this way with new boyfriends too. I put them on a pedestal, idealize them, glorify their every quality. What’s that you say? You like peanuts? Oh my god, you’re so awesome. You guys, he likes peanuts. We’re so gonna get married.
And so it begins, one thing leads to another, and then, if you play all your cards right, you are relationshipped. Screw other foods. All you want to do is eat nothing but yogurt.
Sometimes friends will call me and say, “Come on, let’s go out for dinner! We can go to a nice restaurant!” And I’d love to see my friends, but the truth is, I don’t want to go to a restaurant when I can just stay in and eat yogurt. I have yogurt right here, it’s accessible, I already paid for it. Yogurt is the food I’m craving. Why would I waste money on something I don’t even want to eat? Why would I go to the bars when I could just send yogurt a text message and he’d come right over?
Not many restaurants serve yogurt, ya know? Not for dinner, anyway.
I have no desire to try other foods when I have yogurt. It’s everything I want. But just like relationships, food can’t just be based on what you want. It also has to fulfill what you need. You can’t get all your nutrients from yogurt, just like you can’t fulfill all your social needs with one person.
Another bad thing about eating yogurt for every meal is that no matter how much you love it, no matter how convinced you are that your feelings will never dwindle…Eventually, you’re gonna get sick of yogurt. You’re gonna start eyeing the hummus, throwing winks at the potato salad, maybe even calling pizza over for a night. And yogurt’s not gonna stop calling. It’s just gonna sit there in the back of the fridge taking up space and being annoying until you dump it.
Starting a new relationship is full of firsts.
You decidedly like each other but there’s still a lot of getting-to-know-you involved.
Because when you decide to make someone your boy/girlfriend, you’re pretty much saying, “You’re going to be a person I’m going to spend a lot of time with.” It’s like deciding to be best friends. You become best friends, but you usually don’t start out that way.
And until you get to that point, there’s some awkwardness. There’s uncomfortable silence. Long pauses in the conversation until someone says, “So…”
And you would think that over time there would only be less and less to talk about. There’s so much to talk about at first! You barely know eachother, everything’s fair game! But then as the relationship progresses you forget to ask questions, assume you just know everything, and it dwindles back down…
But then, once you start to meld your lives together, suddenly you find there’s more to talk about. You can talk about family, open up and discuss hopes and fears, and as mutual friends grow you can talk about them too.
Oh time time time. I’m beginning to think that’s all relationships are. Time and circumstance. And beautiful eyes.
I think I have a type. I hate that, but I think it might be true. I’m too young to have a type. I should be more willing to be open to different types of people…After all, if you’re dating the same guy over and over again and it keeps not working out what good are you doing yourself?
But everyone has their differences, and no person is the same, and I think that’s just always what I suppose when I date the dark haired-light skinned-jewish-fit-science major-mama’s boy-who’s into science fiction novels, over and over again.
I think it’s about time I branch out. Sometimes you have to reconsider people. Sometimes you can want something but it isn’t necessarily what’s good for you in the long run. Like chocolate cake. I’ve always had a soft spot for chocolate cake.
It’s about time I try some granola. Harder to swallow, but easier to digest.
what makes a good long lasting relationship.
some people say marriage is best when looked at like a business relationship. when the romance fizzles away, its all about who you can best raise the kids with.
some say its based on passion, some on common interests, mutual respect, attraction.
what is love? baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.