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Jewish Singles: Introducing Robin!

We welcome our new blog writer robin to the JRetro team.  Check out her bio page to find out more ;)

Jewish Singles & True, Intense, Colors

Family. How we love to bicker with them. It’s simple really. They know our every flaw, and we have no desire to hide it, as we don’t need to put up a facade with them, or impress them as we are wont to do with strangers. We didn’t choose our family, they didn’t choose us, and may not be our cup of Milk of Magnesia On The Rocks, but we are stuck with them for life, like a case of hives that flares up every so often.(Don’t make faces. I was going to compare it to a benign S.T.D., when I realized the simile might be innapropriate, so I nixed it–kinda.)

Life is how long? If you are a vegan, religious, read “Prevention”, exercise, knit, and drink a bit of red wine for the anti-oxident benefit, the rest of the time drink green tea, chances are you will die at a much younger age than your smoking like a forest fire, rare meat(“Sell Me Nehla What????”), morbidly obese, couch potato, who goes to A.A. to find out ways to drink himself into oblivion as the wife is nagging him and he is still conscious. (Kidding! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!)

Seriously–Look, we live to be in our 80′s, and if we are lucky, in our 90′s, and hopefully of clear mind, as it is so sad to see someone that was so vital and sharp, not remember the most minor of details….And even worse, the ones who realize that they don’t remember… We kid ourselves if we think we are immortal–we are not.

 Love your family–you only get one. Love them with their flaws and know that mental telepathy isn’t their strength. TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. Everyone needs to know they are loved…Even the person you have probably painted as a tough hard person(and is really the antithesis of) named Gigi…

…she needs it too, and gives those three words even to the hardest family members to love, because its blood, its family, its heart, its soul–at the end of the day, I can sleep peacefully knowing they are all safe.

 Gigi, hoping you agree and understood.

Jewish Singles & My Atrocious Honesty

Hey there, all.

No, I am not using the rules with u, e.g. playing toughto get.


Basically, what you’ve been breathlessly(eagerly, use a theasaurus and use a better word than I did, even if this isn’t true–but u know deep down, u care abt me. Well, maybe Im delusional. Now I will reiterate. You know deep down that u care about me.)wanting to know what was happening in My- Murphy’s -Law- Attacked -Life, was the same old sob story–I did NOT veni, vedi veci.

Negative on: Male Situation, Job Situation, Carbs Are The Enemy Situation, Exercise Situation, and Writing to u.

I fell to a new low(wish it were weightwise, but that would have to be anorectic, and I refuse to shed hair, and look unfashionably hanger-ish. Nice hanger-ish. Okay. Sick hanger-ish? Nah. I want to live.)

I got rid of a friend too! She’s not an enemy–then she would still have the potential to be a friend.

She is nothing. She doesn’t have molecules or atoms. She is not in solid, liquid and/or gas form.

For all the other jealous, green witches with a B, or for all of u who have had pple try to ruin u (feed you desserts u like so u should gain weight bec u look too much thinner than them, hit on your boyfriends.), call their bluff, and walk away.

 I did it, and my gall bladder has never felt better.(Well, thats because I dont have one. It was removed. As i told u–no molecules, no atoms…)

 To Be Continued….(Stop sitting at the edge of your seat! J/K)

 Someone who should NEVER EVER be your role model,

Actually-it should be Living The Non Gigi Life,

Gigi–Leave The Stupid Mistakes and Re-Mistakes and Re-Re Mistakes To Me.

Jewish Singles & Fear

I don’t know why I was afraid to write here again….I was here, but wasn’t here…

I dated someone, messed up, we are trying again….does that have a familiar ring?

Not that I can conceive of a ring.

Or think I can perceive of a conception.

This sounds nuts, but I have clarity…

Still no REAL job, afraid I will be alone, watching my grandfather stubbornly refuse to get proper medical attention…Watching others’ lives…My life is…frozen in my fear but no one would guess.


Jewish Singles–Stood Up&ComedyThis Aint

I was dressed in a black, tight bodysuit, heels that would make a  frigid clergyman cling to me with untapped desire(lololol–damn, that was funny–I don’t even know where that came from), and a hot little A-Line pencile skirt, when I was supposed to go out, with, lets call him Jerky, last night.

I have seen him before. Major playboy. Very good looking, aristocratic, chiseled features, head of hair, piercing green eyes…

It’s been a few years…I thought he may have changed(ow!-smacked my arm–j/k)…

He made me wait and wait for him when he said he was in the area, and sounded a little high…I asked him some things about himself, he asked me some about myself, he sounded like he was trying to impress me, and frankly? he wasn’t…

He didn’t know my age, and I wasn’t flattered when he guessed 20–I was horrified…Did he think I was an easy lay? He would be the last person I would sleep with. THE LAST. And I don’t sleep around, but u already know that.

He kept me waiting while he needed to make a “call”, as after we played Jewish Geograp hy, we realized we had many of the same “friends”(though many have left him for the veryi-la  same reason I would have eventually had he wooed me into his faux little Shangri-la Microcosm, which unravels very very soon….

Back to last night–45 mins after he called someone that was a mutual friend I had not spoken to in aeons, i was soo tired, as I was in Jersey all day, helping a friend market her company, and as I was saying how tired I was, he was saying simultaneously that HE would take a raincheck. HE WOULD.

Deep down Im happy he didnt date me, because I would’ve fit the type I fall for–abusive to women, as all his former girlfriends sadly attest. I would have loved him and never left him, as I love my father.


Jewish Singles&The Perfect Couple

I received this in an email, and normally I get pretty upset with forwards and Spam, but THIS IS GOOD.

Once  upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. 

After a perfect courtship, they had a  perfect wedding.

Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One  snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving 

their perfect car  along a winding road, when they noticed someone

at the side of the road in  distress.  Being the perfect couple,


they stopped to help.


There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.   Not wanting to

disappoint any  children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple

loaded Santa and his toys  into their vehicle.  Soon they were
driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions  deteriorated 

and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident.  



(Scroll down for  the answer. Trust me, it’s worth  it)



 The  perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed

in the first  place.  Everyone knows there is no  Santa Claus and

 there is no such thing as a perfect man. 

  **** Women stop  reading here, that is the end of the joke.****
        **** MEN, KEEP SCROLLING DOWN!****

So,  if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must

have been driving.   This explains why there was a car accident.



By  the way, if you’re a woman and you’re still reading, this

 illustrates another  point: Women never listen.


 LOVING THIS SPAM SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Gigi, who makes you realize you aren’t as messed up as you think you are, compared to her life.