He said he was worried about getting surgery alone, without anyone to take care of him. I, of course, offered to fly in and take care of him after surgery.
Then we got into a conversation about the future.
“I’m gonna go to all these different cities; Costa Rica, Malibu…travel the world.”
“Won’t you get lonely?”
“Well I won’t go alone.”
I decided to give him the opportunity to say something adorable.
“Oh yea? Who are you gonna take with you?”
The correct answer would have been, “You of course, darling. You’re so great and awesome and special. I’m so lucky to have you.”
But instead he said this:
“I don’t know, hopefully I’ll have a girlfriend or something.”
Me! Right here. The one you’re sharing your hopes and dreams with. I am your girlfriend. Jerk.
Okay, okay, I get it. That’s a long time from now, we don’t know what’s gonna happen, blah-blah-blah practicality. But I still would have appreciated the vote of confidence.
Suddenly I was feeling insecure and listening to him narrate his awesome vacation getaway with his future girlfriend.
I kinda stopped wanting to spend $200 bucks to care for him so he could recover and run off to Mexico with some hussy that’s taking my place.
So after hearing more stories about how he and his Not-Me girlfriend were going to travel the world and live happily ever after, I decided to retaliate.
“Oh yea? Well me and future hubby will be cruisin’ down High Street on Segways. And it’s gonna be a ton of fun.”
It’s a difficult problem cause it’s not something I can get mad about. It’s one of those stupid-irrational-girl-problems that just make you feel bad even though no ones actually doing anything wrong. What would I say, “How dare you not want to marry and run away with me?” We’ve been dating for like 2 months. He doesn’t even know my favorite color yet. But I still see no reason why he shouldn’t want to devote his future fantasy life to me.
It’s a tricky business when you’re talking about the future with your new boyfriend/girlfriend. You don’t want to rush things, you want to keep things open, realistic. Clearly you’re not about to start planning your future together anytime soon. You’re not going to start making claims of staying together forever. But for sake of cuteness, for sake of politeness, for common courtesy, can you please just pretend I’m the only person you ever want to be with? At least for now…While you’re with me? Is that so much to ask?
It’s just upsetting to hear your boyfriend talk about his life post breaking-up with you. It’s like, “We just got together! Can’t we wait it out a little bit?”
He had no problem about making little quips about marrying me before. He’s from Israel so we would joke about how he’d have to get married to stay in the country and I’d say, “Uh oh, better act fast and find someone on JRetroMatch” and he’d say, “Not unless you’re on JRetroMatch.”
And yea we both knew it probably wouldn’t actually happen but it was still nice to hear. I felt like when it comes to fancy vacations he should extend the same cute courtesy. But nope, clearly he’s just using me for citizenship. Lovely.
I don’t want to freak out or move things too fast, I just don’t want to feel like I’m something he’s settling for. Like I’m not ideal, I’m just okay for now until he meets the actual love of his life later on.
I deserve better than that.